


The Adventures of Ghost Hawk

by captor_of_mytuna



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-01-27 20:28:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1721561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captor_of_mytuna/pseuds/captor_of_mytuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What else could go wrong for Clint Barton, not only had a mishap with a toaster caused him to become invisible, but he'd had to endure an entire week without anybody being able to see or even hear him and if he has to endure another of Tony's damned nesting jokes he's going to seriously hurt something. This is the story of how he turned back to normal and didn't kill anybody who didn't deserve it in the process</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Plan 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because no one but Clint can hear himself speak I've put Clint's speech in Italics to make it easier to tell the difference to who can hear what c:

Seven days ago Clint used the toaster and now nobody will talk to him. Now before you go all “wow, what did you do now Clint Barton? You always were trouble,” it should probably be known that nobody will talk to him because nobody can see him; crazy, right? At first he was kind of mad at the fact that nothing he did seemed to get the rest of the Avengers’ attention - _for a bunch of super enhanced beings, trained super spies and also scientists; don’t forget the scientists Clint, they can be pretty unperceptive,_ Clint said aloud, but it was as good as thinking as no one could actually hear him.

Obviously they had noticed something was up, because he was actually missing, but all he’s had to endure for the past week is jokes about building some sort of nest? _I don’t know but I think Tony must have failed Biology because I’m not actually a damned bird, what a moron,_ he snarked. Anyway, he has a few plans to get them to notice the fact that he’s essentially invisible and also mute; he’s going to prank them until they explode.

 

1.)    Poltergeist 101

Clint had spent the past hour setting this elaborate prank up, _it’s absolutely foolproof! Okay so it’s probably not going to be foolproof because if I know anybody well it’s my team; and man they are dumb sometimes,_ he rambled slightly _._ He’d been sitting in the ventilation shafts right above the kitchen since 6am gathering glasses and plates and shit; Clint had decided he wasn’t actually going to throw them at them, just sort of near them. Okay he might just hit Tony for the giggles; he was still angry about the damned bird’s nest, like damn it’s just a code name, does he make him do the ironing? No he doesn’t think so. _I don’t think anyone does the ironing, I don’t actually think I’ve worn anything that’s ever been ironed. I just look at it and go is it covered in blood stains? And if it’s not, I wear it; no matter what state it’s in,_ he murmured, taking a slight introspective tone to his voice _._ _Tony probably pays people to do his ironing, the bastard._

He’d gone off topic, basically Clint was going to throw shit at them and see if they assume it’s him, which it is, and then they’ll try and find him to which they’ll realise that he’s not there. They’ll then realise something’s wrong, Tony or Bruce will figure something out and they’ll cure him! It’s brilliant!

He checked over everything and made sure he was all set. As soon as the stuff he had up here is gone, he’ll move over to another access point in the vent as he’s set up more gatherings of crockery and other miscellaneous shit in various places along the shaft. _We have far too many plates like seriously I doubt they’ll notice I’ve taken anything and I’ve taken heaps, like we must have 50 different plates._ Although he made sure he’d not even so much as touched any of Thor’s stuff, _because frankly I like my skull intact thank you very much._

He watched as they all filtered in, Natasha came in first grabbing cereal from the top shelf, some bran shit she’s always eaten for breakfast ever since he’d known her. By the time she’d finished pouring her bowl of cereal Steve marched in, clearly he’d just done his morning routine of running like 10 miles or some whacked up distance, I mean Clint liked exercising fine enough, it kept his mind at ease and his body strong, but he’d never seen anyone go for it as much as Steve does. Then again, Steve does tend to go through life with stern determination; you do tend to admire a man that projects confidence and strength like that. _It’s going to be really funny to see how Cap reacts to my totally legendary prank_ , he sniggered to himself. Soon after, everyone else files in to the room all in varying states of dress, Tony looks like he’s still wearing the same clothes from yesterday, in fact Clint doesn’t think he’s slept at all; he does look slightly manic. Thor’s wearing pyjamas; winter in New York seemed to not agree with him, he’s always very cold when he’s not wearing his thick Asgardian armour, which wasn’t very often in retrospect as many battles they faced seemed to be minor and didn’t last more than a couple hours at most. Bruce was actually fully dressed and had most likely come from meditation as the doctor looked more relaxed than usual.

As soon as they all had sat down at the table in the middle of the room, Clint dropped the first glass. It crashed to the floor and shattered into thousands of shards, scattering over the tiles. The sleepy chatter that had been going on was silenced abruptly at the harsh sound.

“That was weird,” he heard Steve say, as everyone turned round to face the glassy pile on the floor, everyone muttering to themselves. Tony and Bruce had to turn round as they were the closest to where Clint was positioned, and therefore were facing away from the impact zone. As soon as relative calm had been restored Clint opened fire. He threw plates and cups and mugs and cutlery, everything he had at his disposal, as quickly as he could so there was a never ending cacophony of noise and the fragments seemed to act like raindrops hitting water. Pandemonium was in full effect, everyone was yelling; Steve was trying to get everyone out, Tony was howling in pain as a plate nailed him squarely between the shoulder blades, Clint was roaring with laughter; at least to his own ears, and Thor was yelling for the “demon” to come out and face them. Natasha seemed to be the only one who wasn’t freaking out as she calmly got up and left the room, deftly avoiding any projectiles thrown in her direction, not that there were many; Clint wouldn’t ever try to harm Natasha on purpose, they were partners in crime and watched each other’s backs, no matter what happened; also he didn’t want to incur her wrath, fuck she was scary as hell.

In hindsight, throwing things at a man who had a tendency to shift into a giant green rage monster when under stress hadn’t been Clint’s brightest idea. Before he knew it, an angry green fist had punched through the ventilation shaft sending a cascade of dishes and glasses onto the floor, and also Clint himself. He shouldn’t have left all of the covers open, but that wouldn’t have prevented him from falling out of the one he was stationed at anyway. He fell straight out and onto the glass covered floor.

 _Oh shit,”_ he said as the actual structure of the ventilation duct came crashing down to the floor, just narrowly missing him. He breathed out a sigh of relief; at least he wasn’t invisible _and_ lying under a ton of scrapped metal. The Hulk raged on for a few minutes more, as Tony and Steve tried to calm him down; Thor didn’t even attempt to try, as the last few times he got involved the Hulk started a fight, and a Norse God such as himself was never one to turn down a fight, and basically they’d end up destroying everything in sight.

Everything calmed down as soon as the Hulk turned back into an exhausted Bruce. The four men looked at each other, unaware of the fifth man looking on, still winded on the floor.

“Barton,” Steve said, stern disapproval radiating from his very being. Clint would almost feel bad, had he not been invisible for an entire week without them noticing. They briefly discussed their plan of attack, detailing the areas they would look; they had already surmised that Natasha had probably begun searching herself. They parted quickly and Clint let out a sigh of relief, his plan had totally worked! Albeit not without flaws, he was now cut all over and sore, but the most damage done was to his ego. He was a marksman for Christ’s sake, how on earth had he not seen the Hulk’s fist in time to dodge? He shook his head as he rolled over and pushed himself off the floor, he had to go clean up and prepare for phase two.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found a prompt book whilst cleaning and one of them said "Fill in the sentence; "Seven days ago,... Now no one will talk to me" and I thought yesssss. Then I turned the intended meaning on it's head and hey presto. Im sorry for this


	2. A Level of Stupidity Rarely Seen

Clint had managed to clean out as many of the cuts as he could reach, and had at least taken most of the glass out of the wounds he could not. Now, you’d think, “Clint, why don’t you just wave a washcloth at them or fabric or something to get their attention?” Well, this “curse” is pretty tricky: every time he held a piece of fabric it disappeared; clothes, gone; bandages, gone; washcloths, gone; damn, even his duvets disappeared when he went to bed at night. In one word it was frustrating. He put on a fresh T-shirt and decided to go find out how successful his team mates had been at not finding him.

He arrived at the “conference room” aka the living room, to find everyone, excluding Natasha (he figured that Natasha was probably still searching, looking up old contacts and the like), gathered looking rather worried. _Yes! Victory for the Hawk,_ he practically crowed. Now they were all suitably focused on the problem, in no time they would figure out that hey he was cursed or magicked or something like that. Thor would know, he’d probably seen this type of thing a hundred times on Asgard, because hey in a place where the magic/science is as advanced as it was he’s bound to have seen it before. He settled onto the unused couch in the far corner of the room and sprawled out lazily. That was when he heard the most stupid statement he’d quite possibly ever heard.

“I think he’s been kidnapped.” Tony Stark was truly the most stupid genius Clint had ever met. How on Earth could he have been kidnapped? Not only was the security system of the Avenger’s Tower really fucking difficult to bypass without getting caught - trust him he’s tried it himself; but the assailant would have to sneak past five other avengers, most of whom were almost hyper vigilant, navigate the tower, find Clint and manage to subdue him without raising alarm. He wasn’t one to brag, much, but seriously it was a lot harder to catch him off guard than most people thought; he wasn’t called Hawkeye for nothing.

“Tony, that’s ridiculous, how would they have managed to sneak past JARVIS and the rest of us to even get to Barton?” _Ahh Steve, ever the voice of reason._

“They wouldn’t have to sneak past us and JARVIS if they were, say, ghosts” _So close, yet so far,_ Clint groaned. Trust Tony to be really close, but present the idea ridiculously.

“That’s absurd Stark, seriously…”Clint tuned out after that, there was no point listening to the back and forth between them, especially when he could formulate further plans to reveal himself.

“No, no Captain, I do believe the Man of Iron may have a point,” Clint’s ears perked up at that; whatever Thor’s opinion was on the matter was sure as hell worth hearing. And besides that, it was funny hearing Thor use that antiquated style of speaking; Clint had asked him why he called everyone by the names he did, and he’d received a reply that still tickled him whenever he thought about it. He did it simply to annoy everyone, turns out the Asgardian was quite mischievous at heart; he had said that he wanted to wait until the day that either Stark snapped, because he knew it annoyed him the most. He’d immediately shared the piece of gossip with Natasha and they both share a knowing look every time they hear Thor use ‘Man of Iron’. “We should try to summon these demons and communicate with them, although I am at a loss of what mediums we could use. We have methods on Asgard, but they are too advanced and I do not know whether they would even work on Midgard.”

They all stood around trying to puzzle a way to solve their conundrum, whilst Clint buried his face in his hands. _Idiots, they’re all idiots_.

“A Ouija board.” Everyone stops and turns to stare at Bruce. “It would let us communicate with anything invisible that has a presence on this plane, so it’d work for ruling out many possibilities. I think the culprit might be invisible rather than a ghost or demon, that doesn’t seem possible.” _Now there’s the true voice of reason, thank God for Bruce Banner._

The team, still minus Natasha, all started moving; presumably to find a Ouija board. He looked over to see Thor hanging back slightly from the rest of them; Thor turned around slightly and winked at Clint. The fucker could see him.  The others left the room whilst Thor stayed where he was.

 _Thor! Thor, what the hell man! You can see me!? I am so going to put an arrow through your ass I swear to god!_ Clint continued rambling and gesticulating in an angry fashion until Thor had come closer and raised his hands for Clint to stop.

“My friend, I meant you no harm. You see I cannot undo the spell that has befallen you, but I do know that it is beginning to wear off, hence why I can see you. You did not think that I would leave you for more than a day like this without saying anything, my friend? You should think better of me.” He kept his voice as quiet as possible to not alert the rest of the Avengers.

Clint looked away, slightly shamefaced; _I’m sorry Thor, I do think better of you. I just hate being invisible! None of you even considered that I was actually missing!_  

“Well, you shall have your chance for revenge, coming very soon,” Thor laughed after he said that, waiting for what he was suggesting to click with Clint.

_No. Oh my god, yes. Thor you are a genius! Fuck, they won’t know what’s hit ‘em! This is gonna terrify the living daylights out of them!_

“My friend, I knew you would like the idea! I will endeavour to not give you away.” He was grinning unabashedly, looking very pleased with himself.

 _By the way Thor, how can you see me now when the others can’t?_ Clint was genuinely confused.

“My sight is vastly different to yours; you are technically on a different plane, but able to still interact with objects in this world, hence why our teammates cannot see you. But as the magic fades away, you begin to transition out of the secondary plane back into this one. My eyes are able to see you as you cross over the planes, due to my sight being more advanced. I did not ask, but how long have you been beyond our sight?”

 _One fucking week, but hey at least I know it’s fading now; I guess that’s something._ Clint shrugged, but still grinning at the pure evil he was about to inflict on the minds of Tony, Bruce and Steve.

“I shall find them immediately, and see that they find what they are looking for! You should prepare yourself and then meet us back in the kitchen!” Thor then swept away in typical dramatic Asgardian fashion as Clint looked on almost jumping with pure childlike glee.

Only one thought was on his mind; revenge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have taken liberties with Thor being able to see him, because hey why not. They probably do have better senses than we do, that's what I am using to justify this ahaha! And he's bound to have a mischievous side to him, after growing up with Loki aha! Hope you enjoy! C:


	3. Chaotic Screaming in the Distance

Clint whistled as he walked towards the kitchen, he was so excited for this prank. It was going to be legendary. The whistle on his lips however died when he stepped through the threshold and into the kitchen.

The room had been cleaned up; it was completely devoid of a single shard of glass and the hole in the ceiling had been covered with some sort of tarpaulin; probably just a temporary measure to help with what had actually surprised Clint enough to make him stop whistling. The entire room was completely shrouded in darkness, not allowing a single beam of light to pass through the heavy curtains that had been hung (more like duct taped, Tony wasn’t a master at interior decorating) over the windows. A new, round oak table had been placed where the old one had been; sadly the old table hadn’t made it through the ordeal of the Hulk smashing it to bits. And surrounding the four shadowed, but instantly recognisable, figures where about 50 candles, ranging from tea lights to candle air fresheners. It gave the room an instantly tense and incredibly creepy atmosphere. Perfect.

At the centre of the table, there sat an old Ouija board, still covered faintly in dust. It contained everything you’d expect of a Ouija board; it had the alphabet, yes, no and goodbye written on it. He cackled to himself, this was going to be good. Steve sat across from Tony, with Bruce on his left and Thor on his right; they were all holding hands. Steve looked like the picture of scepticism, his mouth pressed into a thin line and his eyes just screaming ‘Tony this is a bad idea’. Bruce looked slightly nervous, but when didn’t he? Thor looked stoic as he was wont to do and Tony looked like the unflappable shit he was always trying to pretend he was. Clint, as slowly as he could, moved the door inch by inch until he had closed it without suspicion. He then chuckled darkly as he walked closer, stopping just behind Steve.

“Bruce, what do we do now? We’ve set the board up and we’re holding hands.” Tony asked, shaking his hands, jerking the arms of Thor and Bruce, slightly to show his point. Steve’s eyes narrowed further.

“Look Tony I’m still not comfortable with this, I really think this is a stupid idea,” Steve said, an apprehensive tone colouring his voice slightly.

“What Cap, you scared?” Tony raised his eyebrows, smirking at the man opposite him.

Before Steve had the chance to reply and start a fight with the man, Bruce interrupted; “Now we should call the being to us, uhh, let me think.” He paused for a few moments and the tension in the room increased; Clint was fighting the urge to laugh at the pure fear radiating off of Steve, but hey even though he was a super soldier Steve was allowed his fears, Clint thought. “Hello, is anybody there?” Bruce’s voice echoed in the forced silence of the room.

Clint moved from behind Steve, moving to stand next to Thor, who to his credit didn’t react at all as if he’d seen him.

“Maybe we should put our hands on the planchette?” Tony asked uncertainly, “I thought that was what we were meant to do?” Before anyone had let go, Clint moved forwards and moved the planchette over the yes, but he moved it slowly to increase tension. There was a sharp intake of air from Steve and Tony, Bruce and Thor were all silent, their eyes darting around to look at each other, Thor’s acting was pretty good, he looked as unsettled as the rest of them did.

“W-w-who are you?” Bruce stuttered slightly, they’d gone back to holding hands again, for comfort most likely. He almost felt bad for putting Steve through this, he had already gone white and Clint hadn’t even gotten to the good stuff. Clint moved the planchette back over to the middle, not willing to answer the question, because honestly he couldn’t think of anything suitable.

Bruce cleared his throat, as the silence continued through the room. “What is your, uh, purpose here?” This was what Clint wanted. He moved the planchette towards the letter ‘M’ slowly; and then quickly over to ‘U’,’R’, ‘D’, ‘E’ and ‘R’.

“Murder,” Steve squeaked.

“W-what do you mean? Do you want us to solve a murder?” Clint rolled his eyes as he moved to ‘No’.

Sweat had begun beading on Bruce’s forehead now, showing the visible signs of the stress he was under. Hopefully the Hulk would sit out on this as Bruce wasn’t really in danger. Steve was clenching Thor’s and Bruce’s hands as if his life depended on it, but he was still aware of himself enough to not squeeze Bruce’s hand too hard, lest he accidentally break the scientist’s hand. Even Tony was looking ruffled, his breathing had picked up slightly, and his eyes were darting here, there and everywhere.  Thor was playing his part well by acting as if he were scared too, his eyes following a similar pattern to Tony’s and he was forcing a shiver to go through his spine whenever the planchette moved.

“D-d-do you want to kill someone?”  Bruce’s voice got progressively more high pitched as he asked the question. _Now we’re getting somewhere,_ Clint grinned. He moved the planchette as slowly as he dared over to the ‘Yes’.

“W-w-w-who?” this time it was Tony who interjected, sounding very, very scared now; even he was stuttering. Clint decided to go for spelling out Tony’s last name, just to get a few extra seconds of intense fear out of Rogers. Even more slowly he moved the planchette over to the S, waiting for the fearful inhale of Steve who sounded like he was going to have a heart attack any second now; his eyes were full blown and he was fully shaking now, his grip tightened even further round Thor’s and Bruce’s hands, drawing a wince from the two men. Clint then moved it straight across to the ‘T’ both Steve’s and Tony’s breathing had started to become more panicked.

Clint had begun moving it up very, very slowly towards the ‘A’ when the door suddenly burst open and Natasha strode into the room. Everyone had been so focused on the board that the loud noise of the door slamming open elicited what could only be described as absolute fucking chaos.

Simultaneously everyone started screaming, Tony actually fell out of his chair, Steve jumped up knocking the table over with so much force that the Ouija board went flying across the room, both Thor and Clint had jumped and Bruce had curled up on his seat into a ball of fear. Clint was now laughing hysterically as the situation devolved further.

“What the hell is going on?!” Natasha yelled, demanding an immediate explanation from the four grown men, all in various states of disarray. The screaming continued on for a few seconds more.

“W-w-w-we were t-t-trying to c-c-contact the thing t-that attacked us, a-and we g-got a reply” Bruce wheezed out, still curled up in a ball.

“It wants to kill us!” Steve yelled, now Clint felt really bad, if only he’d been a little faster he might have dissuaded the Captain from the notion that he was trying to kill him. Tony was sitting stuttering intelligibly over and over again.

“Hang on a minute,” Natasha closed her eyes and sighed in exasperation.

 _Yeah Nat I know_ , Clint smiled, knowing the frustration at the idiocy in front of her.

“You mean to say that you conducted a séance, instead of searching for our missing teammate?” She sighed, rubbing her temples.

All four of them went silent, looked at her and nodded slowly. She threw her hands up in the air and started cursing in Russian as she turned on her heel and walked out the room again. Her voice got quieter and quieter as she got further away, but the intensity didn’t fade from her clearly pissed off voice. He knew Nat cared, but it always warmed his heart to see it. Silence prevailed for a few moments before worried chatter filled the room again.

As Tony, Steve and Bruce started talking frantically and loudly, Thor looked up for a split second at Clint from where he was sitting, basically a single chair in the middle of the room as Bruce had finally emerged from where he was curled up and had begun helping Tony to his feet, beckoning him closer. Clint bent down to hear the almost inaudible “well done,” that Thor breathed to him. The rest of the Avengers just left Thor sitting where he was presuming he was in a state of shock.

Clint laughed to himself as he turned on his heel and walked out the door, his work here had been set into motion; he was going to scare the shit out of the rest of them until he finally became visible again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never laughed harder at an idea I've had, although it probably hasn't turned out as funny as I had pictured it in my head, but hey I had fun! Natasha's so mad at all of them and she'll kick all their asses into shape next chapter don't worry! C:

**Author's Note:**

> I found a prompt book whilst cleaning and one of them said "Fill in the sentence; "Seven days ago,... Now no one will talk to me" and I thought yesssss. Then I turned the intended meaning on it's head and hey presto. Im sorry for this


End file.
